millionaires

2008-11-22T18:27:00.001+08:00

GAME OVER, BITCH. YOUR OWN CLASSMATE RAT OUT ON YOU. YOU DRAGGED ALL YOUR FRIENDS ON US. HAH, PLEASE. THEY TOTALLY RAT OUT ON YOU.
ps, to all of mai's classmates, if you dont know anything, dont be texting any of us to ask about it. dinie, this means you. bukan hal kau, kau nak sibuk knape.

Btw, I'm so scared of Azmi. Really. His English is so profound. Brr, he scared the hooters out of me.

2008-11-21T15:13:00.002+08:00

What's cliche is me being not pretty and having a boyfriend and all you soon-to-be Famous people don't. Haha.

8 days to 2nd, I think I know what I'm doing.

2008-11-21T14:00:00.001+08:00

For you nitwits:

effective program

title: SIMPLE ENGLISH PRONUNCIATION
book with 3CDs.

available: MPH – Novena, Raffles City, CityLink Mall, Robinson Rd. TIMES - Centre Point, Plaza Singapura, Marina Sq, Funan. Kinokuniya@Takashimaya, Borders@Wheellock , BIG Bookstores - Clementi, Habour Front/ Vivocity. Price: S$22.00 per set

suitable for: children, Students, Working Adults. Self-educational

Hey look, it's at City Hall, too. Haha. Go get one and bring it to lepak sessions.

2008-11-21T13:22:00.002+08:00

I don't know why kawan kawan Mai, terasa. Haha, Mai, please eh. Get a life. Jangan batu api orang, okay? You're the only person we're hating on, you tell your whole bunch of shitass famous friends that we hated on them too. Haha, look just cause you can't hate us, don't make everybody hate us. Lol, Mai. And kepada semua classmate Mai, aku tak heran. Lol, I know you guys were going to say all that. List my flaws? Amy, I know my flaws. Okay? Don't need to tell me. Pretty much, yeah. You really think me and Jaja are affected right. Hhahahaha, aku takot. Korg, stop it please. Aku malu. Stop it please. Mai, aku sorry. HAHAHAHA YEAH RIGHT. FUCK OFF AND PLAY THE BAND LAH EH! Hahaha, gigs konon. Haha the only gig you'll get is in your room. No offence, Famous Boy. Haha, serious siah. Mai really dah tak tahu nak cakap apa kat kita, suroh kawan dia blog plak. Zacky, I guess we were all right again. We knew that she was going to ask her friends to blog about us. Hahaha. We know your next move. Haha, cunt faces.

2008-11-20T18:57:00.002+08:00

Hi, back from wherever. I guess Eeraa made my day today and Jaja and Zacky made my day yesterday. Thanks, guys. Treated Eeraa to MacD's today and she made me laugh a whole lot. Thanks. Btw I got to know that Eeraa and Jul planned to surprise me at my house to cheer me up. You guys are the best friends anybody can have. Really. I love you guys much. So today is all about friendship. I really love my featured friends. Thanks Eeraa, Jaja, Zacky, Jul. >3

2008-11-20T10:40:00.003+08:00

its been pretty hard on my lately. i can only afford to hear myself hurt myself. the world slows down but my heart beats fast right now. this is the part where the end starts. i just know it is. they can't say we didn't try. we gave it our best shot. nothing is forever. i see why you left. it's not that i don't. jaja knows i suck at lying. and trust me, im very easy to please, and we all know it. a little love and affection goes a long way. i can't accept that we were supposed to watch the sunset and we didn't. i was the only one who had an eye full of rain. i know i can make it on my own. i have to. i must. i won't stray anymore. i havent heard your voice since you said,'Thanks ah." trust me, that is not the nicest last words to hear. i can't take my own tears. i don't want to give myself in and i don't want to give you up so easily. im hot and cold. i don't want to try, now. i guess what we have is left to say goodbye to. i hate this.

2008-11-20T10:29:00.002+08:00

There's a thousand words that I could say
To make you come home
Seems so long ago you walked away
Left me alone
I remember what you said to me
You were acting so strange
and maybe I was too blind to see
That you needed a change

Was it something I said
To make you turn away?
To make you walk out and leave me cold
If I could just find a way
To make it so that you were right here
But right now

I've been sitting here
Can't get you off my mind
I've tried my best to be a man and be strong
I've drove myself insane
Wishing I could touch your face
But the truth remains

You're gone

I don't wanna make excuses, baby
Won't change the fact that you're gone
But if there's something that I could do
Won't you please let me know?
The time is passing so slowly now
Guess that's my life without you
and maybe I could change my every day
But baby I don't want to

So I'll just hang around
and find some things to do
To take my mind off missing you
and I know in my heart
You can't say that you don't love me too
Please say you do

I've been sitting here
Can't get you off my mind
I've tried my best to be a man and be strong
I Drove myself insane
Wishing I could touch your face
But the truth remains

You're gone

Oh, what will I do
If I can't be with you
Tell me where will I turn to
Baby where will I be
Now that we are apart
Am I still in your heart?
Baby why don't you see?
That I need you here with me

I've been sitting here
Can't get you off my mind
I've tried my best to be a man and be strong
I've drove myself insane
Wishing I could touch your face
But the truth remains

Been sitting here
Can't get you off my mind
I've tried my best to be a man and be strong
I drove myself insane
Wishing I could touch your face
But the truth remains

You're gone

But the truth remains
You're...

2008-11-19T20:21:00.002+08:00

i thought i broke someone's heart. its even more apparent to me that i broke my own. im sorry to where ever i went wrong. im sorry about all the harsh things i've said. im sorry about the tantrums. all i wanted was a little hug. there is no price i can put on a guy who knows just what to say when you need it the most, that keeps me up when im feeling down. i guess i pushed it too far this time, huh? too bad for me, i got to face the music now. i've been pushed face down in the dirt the moment you turned your back on me.been wailing like a baby and i haven't eaten since last night. we were supposed to watch the sunset. but i guess all good things come to an end. i thought we would last. but i took those times for granted. but you're free now. but i'll always be waiting for your return. time can't erase a feeling this strong. i won't beg you to stay. if you're determined to leave, i won't stand in your way. i didn't get a last kiss, hug, love. i'll be in my room if you need me. who am i going to run to when my days and nights are getting colder. if you wake up one day and im no more on the face of this sinful earth, just remember i love you. things were never the same when you left. i gave you everything but you threw it all away. we're only 1o days to our 2nd month and i've already hooked myself. im now only sorry for myself. locked all your things up in a box under my bed. let's just hope no one finds it.

2008-11-19T19:31:00.002+08:00

HIATUS, IM STAYING IN MY ROOM.
CALL/TEXT THE CELL IF YOU HAVE TO.
EERAA, YOU CAN DROP BY ANYTIME, BTW.
BYE, GUYS.

2008-11-18T20:07:00.005+08:00

Like honestly, although you have new "scene/culture" friends and your calssmates are helping you get around to the info about who we're talking about, let me burst your little stink bubble. We're talking about you. Yes, you. None of us will ever be living in guilt because if you haven't noticed, you're the only one not blogging about this copy-cat. So you can confidently conclude that you're pretty much the one that we're talking about. Yeah, we like trash talking you. Because you deserve it. Nobody hated you intentionally. But you really pushed it too far this time, kid. Like, hello, when you fight fire with fire, you're just going to get a burn. Don't use her words. Don't type like me. You think just because she's your bestfriend, you get her fame. Please, get a life. I wasn't angry at you previously. But you pushed it too far and now you're typing like me. Do you have any shame to put on that face? Being friend with you embarasses me. So you think that just because I removed your link and you did the same, I'm supposed to cry about it? Bitch, I don't fucking care. At least I know that I don't use my friends for fame. I used to pity you because he left you. I tried to make you feel better. But hell no, right now, I don't want anything else but to see you die in hell. You used your own bestfriend. So does that make you a fucking scenekid now, huh? You should have some shame. You stepped on your own bestfriend's head just to get to her friends. And please, we earned our time. You don't come up on our bubble steppingon our heads and using our names to get friends. Earn what you tink you deserve, cunt. Think about it. You used to hate on your 1st featured. Now that all your friends have turned their backs on you, you come running back to them. You think you're so cool just because she wants to be your friend. Look, for all you know, she talks about you too. Look, you clearly don't know the meaing of friendship. Friends are those who stand up for you when you are right. True friends stand up for you when you are right and also even when you are wrong. I used to not have a thing to do with you. But because my bestfriend was really terribly having doubts on you, I did what a friend is supposed to do. Give a listening ear. Not turn her down and find more famous people to befriend with. Look, your own bestfriend has turned her back on you. So have all of us 'cept your classmates. Low life people. You lied for each other just to ask me if was talking about you. Of course I was. Look, you can complain to all your friends about what I'm saying about you. Because clearly, you don't have a clue. Not one fucking clue. Life is just. Use your time wisely. You're 15 now. Stop acting like 5. Admit to your mistakes. Don't deny them. Yeah sure, she can say she's your bestfriend and you can trust her now. Wait till people find out your secrets. Honey, take a step back and look where you're heading. From where I'm standing I only see you going around in circles. You're a fraud, a cheap lie. You're nothing. You're worthless. I'll be expecting blogposts from your friends, soon. I know she's a minahrep. Please, we all hate her too. I just can't be bothered to blog about her. There's no space here. Tell her to get in between her thighs too yeah? Because for apparent reasons, she seems to miss out in between her thighs. And look, you'll never get anywhere by asking me how I do my eye make-up. You'll never get it. Don't try to be something or somebody you're not. Because your new found friends only have pity on you. No, I don't care if you get piggybacks from them everytime you meet. Get a life, sweetie. No wait. First, get over your curfew. And try to go somewhere else instead of City Hall all the time. Please, it's boring us. Oh, and if you have something to say, say it if my face. Say it. Don't ask any of your stupid lame friends to add me on msn and ask me. Because clearly, neither you nor your friends have a clue what's this all about. And listening to hardcore music ain't getting you anywhere, you poseur. Pfft, Brokencyde. Please, that was so outdated. And don't think by you asking us to send you songs, you're going to get anyway. Like she says, I don't think you can even sing along to half of the songs you have in your stupid computer. You're just a scam. And stop trying to take pictures like others. It's clearly not working out for you. You look like a fucking boy. Get your hair done before you face up to me, cunt. I know I'm not a big of a deal in the cyber world. But compared to me, you're anonymous. I dare you, confront me. You know who you are. And don't think by listing my flaws, I'm going to be affected by you. I clearly realise my flaws. Oh, and by the way, I know your friend who kicks boys for a living. Tell her Fred's ex said hi. Up yours, okay. You lack originality.

2008-11-18T19:18:00.003+08:00

Hie guys. See, I finally cmpleted th blogskin. Im stl so stoked abt it. It's kind of a big deal to me. Cus it took me 2 days. -__-" So anw, Eeraa crashed my pad earlier tday. My regular dose of burglarism. Lol, so thn we had our antics. Laughed whlst doing surveys. Oh God, my bestfriend. Gyeah so thn we wtched this stupid youtube video. Damn funny. So gyeah, Jul was here too a whle ago. Whlst he waited fr Dinie, he came over to see my ultra new GT bike. That I FOUND by th fucking way. Talk abt luck. Lol, so I wna chnge th seat, do a spray job, get new tyres, chnge th pedals, buy a fresh pair of stands fr th frnt. Basically Im redoing th whole bike 'cept th frame. Yup! Hihihi, im so psyched. Btw, I'm meeting Baby tmw. We're nt sure whr we're heading but uhhhhh, gyeah.

2008-11-17T22:08:00.003+08:00

Ello! So gyeah I was doing something when my spidey senses buzzed. I WANT TO EAT AT SWENSENS'. Somebody please? Please. It's making me hungry and giving me a boner just thinking of the Celebrity Brownie and th Mudpies. Ergh! Im droolingand shitting my pants at the utmost simultaneous time. Hilarious, Tash. Oh joy. Feed me, suckers! I only had a bowl of Maggi today. I want Swensens', come on! Oh my God, I'm really going to kill somebody for this. I want it bad. So bad, I'll talk to you on the phone for this. Boohoohoo. Let's list some of the things that I am craving for. And all my darling friends can bring me out one by one okaye? Haha, in my dreams. But I'll give it a shot.

Mega McMuffin *sausage McMuffin, I don't eat the egg*
Mushroom Swiss
Fondue
Esteller *Love, I haven't tried it and you telling me is nice is equivalent to rubbing it in my face.*
Celebrity Fudge Brownie
Mudpie
Ben'N'Jerry's
Grilled Chicken Wrap
Simpang Bedok for dinner *My aunts and uncles will b th evry nght, a decent person wld b nice*
Calamari Rings
Pizzas

1. McDonald's Breakfast. 2. Burger King. 3,5&6. Swensens' 8. Long John Silvers. 10&11. Pizza Hut/Canadian Pizza/Pastamania/Sarpino's Pizza

Okay, enjoy! Have fun reading. I'm done dealin' w this.

Ps, Love, get well soon. I'm sorry I couldn't be there to care for you. I hope you'll be fine. And don't be a naughty boy, okay? Listen to me and rest okay, Baby. I love you, Honey.

2008-11-17T19:05:00.002+08:00

I've been on blogger since 2pm this noon. Th horror, I sat here since thn to redo my blogskin. And within 2 bloody minutes, *POOF*. Yupe, and nw, here I go again. Yet on anthr idea. So tdy, I'm feelng a little lost. Mybe it's cus, I dnt hear familiar voices and see no faces. My friends are nt ard. My Baby is smewhr dg smth and nt rplyng my texts. And it's been raining. Th world slows dwn, bt I wnt it to stop. I wnt my love to stay. I wnt wht's perfect. Is it too mch to ask fr? My Baby clled me beautiful th oth day. Oh trst me, it feels so good it hurts. And it stl does.

'Your eyes, the way you smile, the way hug me, the way you kiss me.'

Wht a big break fr me. I totally let loose whtvr flaws I've tried to hide. And evrythng has been a walk in th park fr me lately. Let's jst cut my brother out of th story. I'll gve up evry thng I hve jst to hear him cll me beautiful again. It's kind of big to knw tht yr prtner cn tll th diffrnce between 'beautiful' and 'hot'. I hv snce promised to mke my Baby happier. And help him in all th ways tht I cn jst as mch as he has dne fr me. And here cmes my Baby, turrah guys!

2008-11-16T22:01:00.003+08:00

I don't understand why people have to be so low standard all the time. Like hello, I clearly know where I stand in this world. I know where I stand in all you people's faces. But dude, like grab a mirror. Cus you clearly don't know where you stand. Do you even have any shame for yourself? Like seriously, dude. Talk about spies. You're checking up on our posts yourself. Like dude, find somebody else's to lift from. Like, you don't deserve to use us, you anus. Ykno what, stfu, cunt. Like I, oh wait, I mean we, will ever be surprised if you did that shit again. You know we still hate you for that right? So that means you're scene kid now, huh? Wait wait, tell me what year are you in now? You do have full senses that we're in o8 right? That was soo 3 years back. And we've clearly grown out of that insane phase. And I don't see you anywhere near 'Grown' even. Don't be up in everybody's bubble. Don't make people hate you. Nobody hates anybody for nothing. You be mad trippin' if you say we're hating on you for no such hassle. Like dude, take a step back and read what you just said again. Everything dude. Seriously, doesn't mean that you removed me from your affiliates, that I give a hooter about you. I couldn't care less. For all you know, I deleted you off of friendster. Please chick, do your sad self a favour and mirror yourself. Clearly I don't have time for kids like you. I think I wasted a hell load more of time on you than on any wasted boy I've met. You're desperate. First you start hating on somebody with your friends. And then when all your "friends" leave you because you think it's okay for you to do shit to them just because they're your friends, you search back for that cunt you just swore at. You're dead desperate. Seriously. Your friends bitch about you and we don't even know it. That's got to be the saddest. Someone used to pity you whilst we hated on you. But now, someone hates you just as much. Oh God, if only you knew. Hah, if only you fucking knew. That look on your cunt face will be priceless. And to let you out on a joke, you've been a very hot topic of gossip. You and your new found old friends can go waste your sad, wasted, immature asses doing nothing. Get over your sad curfew before you confront me, dude. You'll be sorry you even started. I'm going to let you confront me first. First you start hating on me and then taking it back like it's funny. Dude, I have more balls than you, and I don't even have any. C'mon, jerk. Prove it that you don't need people to stand up for your pretty face. That's not even pretty, by the fucking way. Prove that you're worthy of your guts. Stand up for yourself, cus nobody's standing up for you. And trust me, it's on.

Ps, kepada Mai yang selalu terase, idk if you're going to terase about this. Lol, chill uh mambo. The world doesn't revolve around you. I've got more important people to hate on. Hahah.

2008-11-16T14:12:00.003+08:00

Yesterday was EFF YOU AND. So fun, lol. Baby reached my pad at around 2.30 and he left at around 11? I think lah. So gyeah, we did alot of things. I cooked for Baby that thing he likes to eat. Anchovies and Potatoes. And he also tried my famous Maggi Tumis. Everybody in the house was shrieking for me to cook it. So eventually I got off my sorry ass and went to cook for the whole house. Baby said it tastes good. Oh well, next. We watched videos and i declared that the world of hair extensions are unfair because I can't seem to find the clip-ons. Suckers. Then at night, we watched 3 Abdul with my parents. So nice. Gyeah then last night went pretty well. More than I had expected. One of the highlight of the day was when Baby picked Carlo up, held him to his face and gave me the most beautiful smile ever and said,"Anak kita." Hahaha, that face was priceless. So cute. Oh, and Papa even called Ilham, "Ham". And Ibu asked if baby's parents were going to send him to NS 'cus Ibu and Papa want to send him off to NS. Haha, look Ibu, he still has parents that can send him to NS. Really. Lol. I'm so proud of myself. I have never ever brought any of my boyfriends to meet my parents. And for my first time doing so, I'm very happy that I brought the right one home. Let's hope things work out. Even if they don't my parents will be delighted to have you around the house anytime, Love. Oh and yeah, Ibu gave him the greenlight to come as and when he wants to. I'm glad that this weight is now, officially off my chest. Yay us, B.

2008-11-15T20:21:00.002+08:00

Ello! Errrrrrrr, my bf is frcng me to blog. Okay tk frce, bt he ask me to blog. Yes, he's staring into th screen. Giggling and laughing and nw smiling. Haha, so anw he's been here snce uhhhhh, 2.30pm. Yeah yeah yeah, parents at home. Soooo? Okaye dah, nnt malam blog lagik. Heee, matair aku cute. Aku tk dpt hug or kiss. Ahhhhhhh...

2008-11-14T22:49:00.003+08:00

Ogaye, everything is fine and I'm mending my own broken heart. But nothing feels right. I keep feeling like I'm made of shit and nothing about me is worth caring for, giving a little surprise to, making up for, satisfying, loving sincerely for or taken care of by any boy; or girl for that matter. This isn't the life that I chose. This is not how I want everything to be. Shoot me, shoot me. It's more painful to go through, now than ever. I don't know why it hurts so much. I thought I was okay. Why does it still hurt. Now, I want to drown myself in tears, yay. Period, I got nothing to say. Honestly.

2008-11-14T12:20:00.003+08:00

I have really nothing to say. You're eating me inside out and you don't even know it. Try opening your eyes, take a step back and turn around to see me cry. Can you not think of yourself. The fucking world doesn't revolve around you. You want our relationship to work out and there you are not doing anything to make it work out. Sweetie, there is something called effort. And I think I'm the only 19 year old in this relationship. You're the 15 year old to me. More like 5.

You want things to go your way without you having to do anything about it. In my world, you have to earn it. You work for it to get it. It fucking takes two hands to clap and two people to make one baby. Everything comes in pairs. Every work has to be done in twos. I can clearly fall in love with myself.

But please, I want you to love me. Not expect me to know that you love me. I can say I love you to everyone I see. And at the same time, I can say it and not mean it. Don't tell me that because you remind me that you love me that I'm supposed to know. Can you prove it to me that you love me. Because honestly, you've proven me nothing. You keep telling me you're going to do something about it. But you never do.

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired all the time. For a start can you at least make me feel like we're in this together? I don't want you to say anything to make me happy. Just do it. Do it for yourself, do it for me, do it for our rleationship to work. Please, I'm in a very fragile state. A simple line can make me laugh or cry. A single word can make me and just might break me. Be careful with your words.

I'm dead enough. If I was a cat, I'd be clinging onto my 9th life with my fingernails. I'm on the verge of breaking down YET AGAIN. Please do something about it. Don't just tell me,' Baby, stop crying please. ' I'm really weak, Ilham. I can barely eat. I haven't had a wink of sleep. I don't know what you're doing to me. It's a fine line between you loving me and you wanting to pretend you're loving me just to break me.

I can't see through the me I used to be. I used to be so strong. None of this used to affect me. I never really fell in love. I strayed from love. But then you came along and you changed my whole life. My heart is going, gone away. You're like a scam. You come and give me everything at first. And when I give you all my trust, you run and shy away from me and you took my dignity and heart.

This is the trouble with love. It tears me up inside. Stop tearing me. Because in the end, I'm the only one who's going to have to fix myself back together. Love doesn't care how fast I fall. It's a matter of who's going to catch you. Love is not about losing your lonely self in the tunnel. It's about who's going to meet you at the end of all the darkness that has once engulfed your ugly soul and swallowed you alive. This is not an English composition that I have to use dramatic words for. There's just no other word to use to describe this feeling.

Please, Ilham. Make this work.

2008-11-13T19:19:00.002+08:00

Rah, okaye so I jst reached mama's house. I went off to meet the lovebirds first. Iye laaah, Jaja and Zacky lah. Eleh cakap aku plak yang nanti kiss kiss manje manje ngn matair aku. Look who's talking motha! Even my boyfriend wouldn't feed me. Okay he does lah but I don't blow him off for no good reason lah okay, Ja. Okay I do lah but so what. Hhaha, OKya takde link but nvm we shall go on blogging bcus I like the sound of the keyboard. So clickety click. Hihi, so nice the sound. I can go all day siah. My name is Tash and no that's not my real name. I won't tell you my father's name. Hihi, I so love the sound siah. God, can I have this keyboard! Okaaay, that was lame siah I swear. Hahaha, so anyway, tomorrow I'm going shopping w Mama and the girls. Tadaaa, okay I don't know why I said tadaa. But I felt like it. But fuck off, it's my blog and I like it.

2008-11-13T16:09:00.002+08:00

My Baby, I know

Sometimes I forget to

Love you like I should

But I'd never leave you

No, I never would

I never would

2008-11-13T15:51:00.002+08:00

I'm Baby-less today and Zacky's over at Jaja's bringing her things that cheer her up everyday. Lol, wht a total rub-in. I miss my baby. I've been looking forward to today the whole week and it's gone to waste. Sigh, I'll see baby on Saturday. That is if he comes. Goshhhh, I'm so beat and I want my baby around me. So since I have nothing on today, I thought of maybe going to do some drawings on my bedroom wall. I've got my paint pens all ready. Maybe I want to do a silhouette of something of somebody. If not, I'lll just sloppily do my name on my wall. God, it's so boring. My baby's not even texting me. Why, oh why God.

2008-11-13T13:13:00.001+08:00

Well, there goes. Another boyfriend-less day. Sighhhhh, it's been 4 days. If I had a full ezlink, I wld go to you everyday. Sigh its okay.

2008-11-12T23:42:00.004+08:00

If I were to recall how I met my boyfriend, this is how the music should go. Love, forgive me.

Weak, I have been crying and crying for weeks. How'd I survive when I can barely speak. Barely eat, on my knees. But that's the moment you came to me. I don't know what your love has done to me. Think I'm invincible. I see through the me I used to be. You changed my whole life. Don't know what you're doing to me with your love. I'm feeling all super human, you did that to me
A super human heart beats in me. Nothing can stop me here with you. Super human, super human. Strong, since I've been flying and righting the wrongs. Feels almost like I've had it all along. And I can see tomorrow. Where every problem is gone because I flew everywhere with love inside of me. It's unbelievable to see how love can set me free. You changed my whole life. Don't know what you're doing to me with your love. I'm feeling all super human, you did that to me. A super human heart beats in me. Nothing can stop me here with you. Super human, super human. It's not a bird, not a plane. It's my heart and it's going, gone away. My only weakness is you. Only reason is you. Every minute with you I can feel like I can do anything. Going going, I'm gone away in love. You changed my whole life. Don't know what your doing to me with your love. I'm feeling all super human, you did that to me. A super human heart beats in me. Nothing can stop me here with you. Super human.

2008-11-12T18:06:00.002+08:00

Amongst the many muted faces, you try to find me in the spaces. I'm drawn into your song, I only move to keep from sinking. And I close my eyes as if I'm thinking, afraid all along. Afraid in your eyes, I'm so revealing. I finnd what I'll be needing. Nothing but pennies in my pocket, nothing but faith to keep me warm. I'll be broke without. Tell me how much for your love. I'll slip my heart in your back pocket. That's all I've got to keep you warm. Hoping the melody will leave me, I walk to where you might not see me. Reach out to the wind, looking to catch it for a minute. But just to hold it not be in it. I've been where you've been cause some how I'm so afraid the love will reveal what I'm made of.

2008-11-12T17:39:00.002+08:00

Uhhhhh, I catched 90210 by accidnt th oth day. I gta say, it's kinda nice. Mybe I'll get Eeraa to remind me whnever its on. At least thn, we'd hve sth to cnverse abt; apart frm boys, nw we gt to tlk abt hot rich boys. LOL.

2008-11-12T15:56:00.003+08:00

tahu tkpa, sikit pey tkda ori. ewwww, smue nk ikut ikut org. please ahhh, nk ckp org. yre hating on th wrng people. bcs th people yre strtng to hate on has ald hated on you snce bfre you were anywhr near cyberworld. eff off, chick. you dnt fit! bleaaah!

2008-11-12T14:15:00.004+08:00

You'll tke us fr grnted, you thnk we'd stay here forever. Dnt expct us girls to undrstnd, jst bcs yre a boy. You wake up and thrw yr tantrums ard, like we're gg to pick it up fr you. Dnt expct us girls to undrstnd, jst bcs yre a boy. You go out all nght, hanging w th boys and chsing th girls thn, you dnt accpt us cllng or textng you evrywhre. Dnt expct us girls to undrstnd, jst bcs yre a boy. You act all sweet and cute whn we're alone and you shout and throw us off whn yre ard yr mates. Dnt expct us girls to undrstnd, jst bcs yre a boy. If I were a boy, fr one freakng day, I'd knw hw it feels to love a girl and I wldnt break her, bcus I knw hw it'd hurt. If I were a boy, I swear I'd b a btter man and Id lsten to her cus I knw she'll b waiting on her toes fr me. Boys, whn you lose th one you wnted, cus you took her fr grnted and evrythng you had gt destroyed, knck on her door and tll her you love her and tht yre sorry. You'd turn off yr phne and tll us its wasted so we'll thnk tht yre alne. Dnt expct us to undrstnd, jst bcs yre a boy. You'll leave yr phne and nt bother abt hw we'd feel jst bcus we upset you alttle. You mke us worry and you dnt evn gve a hoot abt us. Dnt expct us girls to undrstnd, jst bcs yre a boy. You'll get upset jst bcs we ddnt notice yr new cap or shirt and tll us we dnt pay attntion to you. Bt you frgt our date, you frgt my our bday, you dnt notice our hair, you dnt notice whn we're online, you dnt knw tht we love you w evry sngle inch of muscle in our fragile souls. Dnt expct us girls to undrstnd, jst bcs yre a boy. You wnt us to chse you ard tllng you we love you and tht we're sorry and get on our knees and beg you to tlk to us. And thn whn it cmes to us, you jst walk on by. Bt bottomline, yre a boy. You'll nvr undrstnd. I hate being boys.

2008-11-12T12:05:00.003+08:00

so i ws brwsng thru my old blog and i found these, so funny. B, baca tau. :-

im so hppy whn im w you. i nvr wna lose smeone so special. yre smeone i cn rely on and yre smeone i cn pour my heart and soul to. if you only knw hw hard i fell fr you. if you only knew. bt yre only my biggr brther arnt you. ive tried to tlk to you, i wnted to mke you undrstnd. i jst wnted you to close yr eyes and reach out yr hand. bt thts only a dream. and evrybdy knws tht dreams are meant fr slping. i'll try to, i'll try to, abang.

today was frst day of raya and it was quite okaye. althou i didnt gt mch, im hppy i got to spend today w both sides of my fam. o aftr much crying and touching up of make up, we headed home and i sat my ass dwn on th comp. yay me. so here we are. and ilham, i miss you sweetcheeks. cme home soon alright. mama misses you like alot alooot sngt. love you, papa! lol <3
*th mama is lulu, nt me, okay b?*

So frkng funny. Btw, ths is an insde joke btwn me and my Bf. None of you wil undrstnd. 'Cept myb Ja and Eeraa wil ah. I thnk? Oh well.

2008-11-11T17:49:00.004+08:00

Ogaye, so I jst gt hme frm hvng my BFF's Day Out w Jul and Eeraa. Lol siahhh. Eeraa kene prank, Jul kene bully, tonnes of pics. Ouh joy, today is my day. So gyeah, so mny funny people caught our attntion at Macs tday. Oh, tlk abt Mac's. Jul went to th wrng meetng plc. Lol, Julie. So like aftr tht we slcked at Petals. And like so fun lah please. Otw thr, whlst in th bus, thr was this one old man who ddnt zip up his pants. And trst me, major turn off. And so gyeah we laughed and laughed. We took so mny pics and we decided to distrb Jul. Hhaha, and alot of cndid pics. Super tk glam ogaye please. Hahas, so yeah. Thn thr ws this one mat rep who was vomittng Bandung lah please. Frstly, Bandung makes me sick and scndly, its cmng bck out frm his tummy Like ew sah mat rep. Please caaaan! So thn we took off. Thn wnt to meet Din, Sham, Fir, Aizat, Rias and whoevr fuck lah. So thn we wlked bck to my plc and thn Eeraa left fr th bus stop. Lol, please. Tday was hella fun. We shld hv ths evryday siah korg. So hw ney ltr. Errr, cn we like cnfrm again on whthr we're gg out on "tht day". Eeraa, btwn you and me eh eh eh. Lol, so cpt lah, cme online, honey! Miss you righhhht. And thn, Im feeling alittle irritated by my phne. Evrytme my bf texts, thr will b sme shit thng thts gna mess my aldy messed up phne. And whnever evrybdy else texts, nth wll b wrng w my phne. Talk abt luck. Sheesh. So uhrrr, gyeah. Eeraa, cme online. We ned to tlk abt tht prticular day of th week. Hahahahahahahah! We're mean arnt we. Yeaaah, we are. So gyeah, thts it. And my bf is gttng tired of me, I knw. And whn he cmes hme to read ths, he'll deny it and say,"Baby, jgn ckp gitu." Haha, I knw you and yr regular lines lah okay. So gyeah wtvr. Hihi.

2008-11-10T18:48:00.003+08:00

Okaye so today, I pierced fr Akim and Bibik. Lol thts kinda boring. So gyeah, Im kind tryng to adpt to diff thngs rcntly cs SOME people jst hve no originality. Wna type th way oth people type. Frst copy th way oth people spell their wrds, thn next copy th way people type. Th nrve of SOME people. No shame at all. And they do it like we dnt realise it. Do they knw tht thr are people tlkng bhnd their bcks abt ths? They jst hv no shame. Steppng on people's heads and usng people tht they used to head jst to gt to th top. Get a life, you disgust me. Okaye, so bck to my day. Hmmf, baby's sick today, and i hpe he gts better. Hmff, baby baby get well soon. And please go and hve it checked. At least eat smth tht will ease yr pain alittle. Okaye? If yre nt gna do it, im gna go buy th meds and send it to you okaye. Be it work or home. Dnt mke me cme ovr thr, Ilham. So go eat properly and all ok. And PLEASE eat veggies, baby. Doctor says you need it, right? Mhmm, so gyeah. Tlked to Ibu abt relationship stuffs. Went quite well. I feel so mch easier nw tht I tld my mom abt who I'm w and all. And tht rly is a whole load off my chest. Im feelng better nw. Bt my baby needs to get well.

2008-11-09T20:28:00.002+08:00

i miss my baby today. and he's at odio. gig thng. yah okay. i met baby today. met baby at my bus stop. he wnted to meet me undr my blk. bt snce i ald left th hse, i thgt mybe he shld jst meet me at th stop. so yeah we did jst tht and thn we walked tll kfc hvng our regular jokes and whtvr. im jst happy my baby's w me. so gyeah. we took a settle riiight at the cosy crner. whr we had our "chats". so gyeah and thn th food came. and i took pics of baby. one of baby's pics muke penyuuu! hahaha. and baby looked at th cam and smiled fr two pics! WOW! so gyeah we had our meal and we took th long turn bck to my plc bcus smeone jst ddnt wna b undr th sun. hahaha, vampires. ahhaa so gyeah, thn aftr tht we chilled. yeaaah and took aloooot of pics. sme of whch wll b up here. so thn bby sent me til outsde my hse. and thn i decided tht i shld send him til th bus stop. LOL. so i bought bble tea and waited fr th bus to cme. and we saw ths uberly funny fat man on a bike. HIDING TH BIKE. lol, at whch i almost spat my bubble tea out. so yeah, enjooy lah krg. happy day.

2008-11-09T13:38:00.002+08:00

okaye zokes. so um, im meeting baby ltr on tday. baby's cming over. bt we hv to go and feed him frst. bcus smeone will b cranky whn he's hungry. so yeah abt IT. im hppy tht we talked it ovr and im glad tht ykno nw tht i clearly meant it whn i said id go crazy a day w/o you. so gyeah. yve seen th best of me and yve sen th wrst. i wnt us to stay tht way. id gve up all i got jst so i cld get bck in my spot, everytme. so anw, baby im srry fr falling aslp whle textng you ytd nght. i gss he cldnt pick up th dial to phone me bcs of our little love fight. so yeah, evrythg's better nw. so bck on th topic, ytd rained like crazy and i ws shaken by th lightning and thnder. so i sat on my headboard and texted baby. WHO STL WSNT ASLEEP, BTW. so thn baby phoned me. yes, i teared whn i ws gven th chnce to hear yre voice again, love. and thn baby gt kinda tired. so baby had to hit th sack. poor baby. yre so cute whn yre sleepy. so yeah, i gt my job bck. TO WAKE MY LOVE UP EVRY MRNING. yaaaay. so gyeah, i ws supposed to wake him up at 10 tday. whch i did! and thn my baby genius ddnt put his phone on Normal Mode. pandai dieeee. so yeah. i phoned and phoned and he ddnt wake up. and i knew he ws gna b late in meeting me. hahah, baby yre never on time and i love you fr tht; bcus being late is a part of being you. whch i kind of find cute whn im in my good mood. HAHA. so thn gyeah. at 10.45(!), he finally answered. so cute. okay okay here's hw th cnvo went:

Tash : Hello? Bangun lah sayang.
Baby : Uhhhhhhhhh.
Tash : *Giggle* Cute siah you. Bangun, b.
Baby : Uhhhhh.
*Ibu sebuk*
Ibu : Biar lah budak tu tidur.
Tash : Dia yg suroh I kejut.
Ibu : Dah, sudah. Biarkan. Lelaki. *inserts lame face*
*Tash talks and talks*
Baby : Ahhhh, 5 minute please?
Tash : Nanti you lmbt, I tk tau eh.
Baby *in th most cutest most adorable worth biting voice ever*: Sleeeepyyyyy. *grumbles*
Tash : AHHHH SO CUTE!
Baby : 5 minuteeeee, sleepy.
Tash : I wake you up at 11.30 ok.
* ok, ok byeeee.*

11.30 am.
*makes tired voice*
Baby : Hellooo?
Tash : Dah sayang, bangun lah.
Baby : HEEHEE, DAAAH!
Tash : Soo clever. Dah mandi?
Baby : DAAAH!
Tash : Soooo clever. See you cn bgn.
*inserts th rest of th convo*

my baby's so cute. and rght nw, he's on his way here. i appreciate tht yre cming over here baby. thnk you, love. so today, while baby eats, ima take pictureeees of hiiiiiiiim. YAY MEE! weehuu. so yeah, oh and i frgt tht i almost died. PHEW! bcus bcus bcus, i ws straightening my hair and thn th bloody thng jst sort of exploded in my hands. fcknghll, i swear my heart ws thumping like its pumpingits way up my throat. like god b doomed, i almost died. heehee, and nw, i wna go get chnged into sme proper clothing to go meet th love of my life. bye betches.

2008-11-08T19:59:00.001+08:00

Every time i think of you
I get a shot right through into a bolt of blue
It's no problem of mine, but it's a problem i find
Living a life that i can't leave behind

There's no sense in telling me
The wisdom of a fool won't set you free
But that's the way that it goes and it's what nobody knows
And every day my confusion grows

Every time i see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You say the words that i can't say

I feel fine and i feel good
I feel like i never should
Whenever i get this way, i just don't know what to say
Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday

I'm not sure what this could mean
I don't think you're what you seem
I do admit to myself that if i hurt someone else
Then i'll never see just what we're meant to be

Every time i see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You say the words that i can't say

Every time i see you falling i'll
Get down on my knees and pray;
I'm waiting for the final moment you'll
Say the words that i can't say.

2008-11-08T16:15:00.002+08:00

Instead of kneeling in the sand
Catching teardrops in my hand
My heart is drenched in wine
But you'll be on my mind.

Slowly today, minute by minute that you don't talk to me, I'm going insane. Wherever you go, whatever you do. I will be right here waiting for you. Whatever it takes or how my heart breaks;
I will be right here waiting for you. I took for granted, all the times that I though would last somehow. I hear the laughter, I taste the tears but I can't get near you now. Baby, just answer my call. Just pick up your phone. I'm really going crazy. I can't take a day without you. I can't take all of this. Seriously. I'll cry the whole day if I have to. I'll do whatever it takes. I just want to hear your voice again. Sweetie, you know you're the only thing holding me together. I'm tearing apart that you're not hear to fix me. Baby, please. I'm begging you. I never beg, but I need you bad. I need you bad as a heartbeat. I need you like the air I breathe. My blog song is making me cry. It's not only a blog song to me, honey. It's OUR song. Please, love?

2008-11-07T21:23:00.002+08:00

I waited for the guy who will call me beautiful and not hot. Who will do anything he can to make sure I'm not upset even if its because of him. Who calls me back when I hang up on him. Who will stay awake just to watch me sleep. I waited for the guy who kisses me on my forehead. Who wants to show me off to the world when I'm in my sweats. Who holds my hand in front
of his friends. Waited for the one who is constantly reminding me of how much he cares about me and how lucky he is to have me. Waited for the one who turns to everyone and says "thats her." I'll cry when I see him and I'll do anything to have him. And right now that I have him, I won't ever want to break away.

He's really great to me, it's even more apparent to me in times like these; because he is just THERE. Like, the most dependable. It's amazing. He makes me feel safe, and it's really new to me and really nice. He's always telling me the nicest things too, I still can't really get over it. The way he makes little cute faces, it tingles my fancy little heart. The way he very oh so adorable-ly makes the cutest baby noises. The way he blows into my ear, it makes my head giddy.

I love you mountains and I'll say it every waking day of my life. I love you in depth and I've turned blue eversince. No, actually I haven't. You're an extraordinary attraction. You blend imperfections smoothly. I am ever so overwhelmed to each and every sacrifice you made just so we could go back to square one. I adore your adorable words. That you didn't even realise what you slumbered was cute. When I misses you hills, I'll lay down in bed. Definite hallucinations of your smell tickling my nose. You're the only person I look forward to every second the clock ticks. When you are right beside me, smelling your shoulder blade is the only thing I'd do. And I'll bite hard because I know it hurts. Sometimes I'd catch glances, it makes me merry. Why I've become obsessive, why I've become posessive. I couldn't answer my question either. You're special and you've captured my whole heart. I love you over the moon and stars.

You know, I've never felt love like this before. And now that you're here, Nurilham, I don't want you to go. I want to hold on. I don't want us to part. Not now, not ever. I take you as my brother, my guide, my faith, my bestfriend, my love and my everything. I just want you to realise that ever since your presence, it made me realise the more finer things in life. I know we haven't really gone anywhere. As egoistic as I am to have started every sentence with an "I", I (there I go again) want it to always be "Us". You'll always be my baby. I don't want to bother about what anyone says about us. Let them be, let them laugh. We'll laugh along because we know they have never gone anywhere near what we are right now in such a short time. They've never felt the way we do. Never have I missed a text or date from/with you. It's been growing inside me. I think of you everytime. I love to brag about you to my friends, but they never listen. So I'll continue talking to myself keeping no one else, but me, satiated; Constantly reminded of you. I've come to see that I'll never make it anywhere on my own. I need a holding hand, something like yours. You'll be there when I fall. I know it. And upon hearing you always referring to me as 'Baby', I feel so proud. Like there is nothing that can ever come in my way. And I know it may be hard for you to believe but, I will lose everything and my life will crumble if you ever leave me. If you ever doubt my love, let me know. I want to always rekindle my love for you. Let every mountain on the face of this Earth crumble, let the sky fall. My love for you will never disappear. I don't want it to be months. I'd rather we aim years. I wish to celebrate every birthday/occassion/monthversary/anniversary and everything else in between with you. Let every picture I take include you. To prove as how much I depend on you. Yes, I depend on you. You are my life machine, my oxygen tank. When I feel like letting go, I will always think of what you are to me. You are everything I depend on. I never want to let go. And I know I may not be the prettiest girl on the face of this Earth but I trust you with everything I have and I will cherish you with everything that I own. don't care. I just love you so.

2008-11-07T20:14:00.003+08:00

okaye guys, guess whos hvng a high fever. ME! i miss my bf terribly. terribleee. I WNA CRY ALD. BABY, I MISS YOU. im terribly terribly sick and i terribly miss my boyfriend. oh, th tragedy. i wnt my bf. badlyyyy. b, i nk amek gmbr lgi. hihihi, i miss you bf. so baby's busy w th gig at Odio. yada yada yada. i wnt soupppp. i wnt chicken porridgeee. im sickkkkk! i wnt my babyyyyyy.

2008-11-05T18:49:00.003+08:00

Baby, I'm in love with you. This ain't the honeymoon. I've passed the infatuation phase. Right in the thick of love, sometimes we get sick of love. It seems like we argue everyday, hm? I know I misbehave and you made yr mistakes, but we both still have room left to grow. And though love sometimes hurts; I still put you first. And we'll make this thing work. We're just ordinary people, We don't know which way to go. This isn't a movie, no. No fairy tale conclusion ya'll. It gets more confusing everyday. Sometimes it's heaven sent; Then we head back to hell again. But we kiss then we make up on the way. I hang up, you call. We rise and we fall. And we feel like just walking away. And as our love advances, we take second chances. Though it's not a fantasy, I still want you to stay. Take it slow. Maybe we'll live and learn; Maybe we'll crash and burn. Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave, maybe you'll return. Maybe another fight; Maybe we won't survive. But definitely maybe we'll grow. Baby, you have to understand that it's your love that my heart beats for. I'm sorry if I've been cranky recently. I just can't accept that you'll be leaving me for 2 years and only getting to see you on weekends. I know I'll have to give and take a little. So I'll be waiting for you till after 2 years in which I get to see you again. Understand this, I want to grow old w you. I want to count your wrinkles and tease about how you'd be greying faster than I am. I love you, Nurilham. I want only the best for us.

2008-11-05T18:35:00.003+08:00

tdy ws one of th best days of my life; fr th best days are whn my bf is w me. seeing him jst mkes my heart thrb. all th anger and disappoint i kept jst melted and i gt to rekindle th spark of love and togthrness. so bby ws woken up at 9.30 aftr whch he fell asleep again. WHCH, btw reslted in him being late. so he took th initiative to take a cab frm semb all th way to my plc. so bby played w th babies fr alittle and thn we left. hihihi. so we bussed dwn to tamp. whr we wtch HSM3. and baby, thrs nbdy else id rthr hve to lend me a shoulder whn i cry to th movie. i appreciate tht you wer fightng boredom whle i was so into th movie. hvng yr fngers tcklng my ears wer so cute. and th highlight of th movie ws whn you actually did to me wht Troy did to Gab. tht ws rly sweet of you, honey. and aftr our movie, we wn to Toy'R'Us. lol, saw sme stupid toys fr awhle thn headed fr 8. whle wlking thr, we bumped into one of th best topics of all our cnversations. Faiz & Teara. lol, tht ws very nice to see you guys again. so gyeah we tlked and tlked and tlked. and Faiz hugged and kissed bby -____-" AND I DDNT EVN KNW. *heart pain; nvrm* so thn it ws rly nice to see my exbestfrnd again. it rly brought bck mny memories. hope to see you again, bestfrnd. missed our late night clls and lepak sessions. so gyeah, at least i hv smth off my chest. you see, i used to b jealous of hilary. yeah yeah, bcs they were close and all. and i hate sharing. sheesh. bt thn, nw tht she's outta th way, i kinda am glad tht i hv anthr chnce. tht is IF we evr tlk again. hoping to thou. we'll see whr evrythg falls. and btw, tht ws th best hug we've had in a very long time, yeah? so thn, as we wer in th bus, i played w my 3G cam and i laughed alot. mde so mny faces. haha, tht ws sooo funny. i finally had my real laughtr aftr sch a lng time. so yeah we chlled undr my blk fr awhle and thn we headed hme. hm, tday ws nice. i frgt to ask teara fr her nmber thou. -____-" sia sia ada msn. nvrm. hope we'll tlk soon.

2008-11-04T10:41:00.000+08:00

i thght tht myb ive been a little too harsh on th boy. he knws i love him. clearly knws i do. i wnt him to meet my parents. ive nvr done tht bfre th frmal way. bt ths boy, i wnt. let reality slap me in th face. i finally found th mssng prt of me. i felt so clse bt he was far away. nw im spchless, over th edge im jst breathlss. i nvr thght tht id ctch ths lovebug again. hopeless, head ovr heels in th momnt. i cnt gt his smile out of my mind. i thnk abt his eyes all th time. he's beautiful and he dsnt evn try. modesty is jst so hrd to find. sddnly i frgt hw to speak, hopeless, breathless baby cnt you see. as i find myslf thru th times we've been tgethr, i sort of lost myslf again cme a new beginng. i gss i ws too busy searchng fr smethng new, i drpped everythg tht rly mattered on th way. i wna mke myslf th best gf he's evr had. i wnted me to b perfct. perfct fr him. i ddnt wnt anythg else bt trust to mattr in this relationship. you cld say i kinda lost my 'mojo'. or myb i jst nv had it in me. i figured tht myb you ddnt like th way i dress, th way i walked r talked. or myb, im jst nt good enuf fr you. whn will i evr b good enuf fr anybdy.

2008-11-03T22:38:00.000+08:00

is so B-O-R-I-N-G-! i plnned to hve a blog marathn jst nw bt i ddnt cs i am supppperrrr out of mood and pissed. pissed w wht, idk. lol. bye betches.

2008-11-03T17:21:00.000+08:00

its raining. and we all knw wht hppens whn it rains. i stop to thnk. and rght nw, im wtchng HSM3 vids and im missng my bf. i jst wsh tht fr smetime, he cld do smth fr me. thn th usual i do fr him. it'll b rly sweet and im nt expctng anythg in retrn, excpt his love. bby knws i love him. bby knws i cn prove to him tht i love him. bt smetimes i wnder, cn he? or myb, will he? aprt frm evrythg else, my bf is perfct. thrs nth i wld b able to do if it wrent fr him. i love my bf and i knw he does too. i jst thgt tht mybe sme thngs cld b diff fr once or twice. i love you, nurilham.

2008-11-01T23:51:00.000+08:00

like omrah, did i tll you hw in love i am w dearest bf? i will do anythg, ANYTHING to please him. he's givn his heart to me and i knw he rly trusts me. to hve smeone say ths to you, i tll you, nobody, nt evn a spammer cn brng you dwn:-

Yeah im really happy...

Grateful actually...

I finally have a real gf...

One that really loves

and cares about me...

im so hppy tht ive found th one fr me. and trust me, this aint gna chnge so soon. all you bloody critics cn say all you wnt, bt dudes, wait till you fll in love and gt ths feeling. rah, i love you nurilham.

2008-10-30T22:14:00.000+08:00

i know i haven't written enough on here lately for it to count as anything. im tired and drained. my body is falling apart. life's deadly. im stopping soon. i should i should i should. i miss my friends. my best fucking friends that just had an outing and i STILL havent had a chance to go and see them. talk about a douchebag of a friend i am. hopefully when my time comes they'll be there for me. i cant count on much of anyone else. i cant count on myself. because i dont understand a bit of who i am. im searching for someone to tell me who i am, knowing full well thats not how it works. i need art. my art that i've lost. i need to drown myself in the paint and ink and find myself. i've hurt too many people in the process of finding myself. broken more than one heart. told more than enough lies. working that out in my head and still trudging on becomes harder and harder. guilt is easy to ignore for me. i have no conscience. me, the narcissistic queen, always right. but either way. i didnt belong where i was. it was good of me to leave. being meant for bigger and better things doesnt always happen. to hardly anyone. its a tough life. and you get what you make. we'll be okay. we say that over and over to ourselves. we whisper it in the ears of the ones we love. not knowing whether its true or not. just hoping and praying that the difficulty eases for some time. but you would have never learned a damn thing from me if it had all been happiness and smiles. pain gives us our scars and teaches us our lessons. it reminds us of who we are and what we can withstand. remebering that what cannot kill us, it only makes us stronger. just because my flesh screams romanticism, it doesnt mean my mind speaks anything of the sort. it was dull long before you even thought it could happen. before you thought you had a chance. its not hard to get to know me. its just so hard to keep me interested. i feel im authistic. im many things. sweet. nice. adorable. sure. but im also pouty, jealous hearted, and obscene. if you see that. it means i've let you in. even if only a little. im falling in love. for real. it feels more intense than anything i've ever felt. im maturing in so many ways that hopefully ill be the woman i want to be for him. strong and beautiful. crazy and sad. but still myself. he makes me feel so beautiful. and im showered with love and affection. ive always pushed it away. the sickening sweet love and constant adoration. but now i feel like i can actually accept it. its no longer that cute type of affection. its honest and bold. frustrating and all mine. im so ready to start life and stop thinking and dreaming about it. you cant always be the friend. the good girl. you have to hurt feelings and love. its the only way. you either deal with it or deal without it. oh, i hope im doing the right thing this time.

2008-10-30T10:31:00.000+08:00

rah, its so boring. lol, meetng sweetheart tday. yes yes, all th way to sembwng :D and i dnt mind as long as i gt to feed my hunger fr my lover. btw i like my new ugly skin. its so different. ahahha.

2008-10-29T13:17:00.000+08:00

sikit pey lama aku tk blog, bt tkpe eh. hm, happy one monthversary sayang. i also dnt thnk you read my blog at all en tho you knw th link. you mmg ape. myspace jer keje. so anw, b i knw its onl been a mtnh we've been togethr, a few months since we frst tlked and a few years snce you/i frst added me/you. and aftr all ths weeks, its rly cme dwn to ths. our frst mark. and im hppy to b able to b w you. thrs no oth guy i wld rthr b on ths day. so see you tml, love. i'll brng donuts :D

so ytd [r&j] minus ammi, jaja, min had a cnference. kecoh gile. lol so tu jer aku nk ckp. bye bastards.

2008-10-23T15:57:00.000+08:00

omfag, so long nv blog. hihi, bloggng tdy. thrs nth mch i wna say bt i cn tll you guys tht i loooove love love my bf like alot. and i dnt wna lose him. ever ever. BRIGHT LIGHTS OF AMERICA! LIFE AND DEATH IN TH SOLD OUT, ERICA(?) TO LIVE AND DIE IN TH HEART OF AMERICA. WHR THEY SELL SOULS. b, i clever tk? heeee. ilysm hunny. so btw, i had my last day of sch ytd. thnks to mr yee fr th pizza, thks to friends who made me realise my hidden talent of skating on wet grass. and to mates tht arnt upgrded to th same clss nex yr, we'll stl b mates.
and to thse im gg to th gig at kg melayu w, rmb yr tix are w me and remnd me to brng thm on th day itslf cs if i dnt, you guys cnt go in. neni neni pupu. so 7th i fir's bday. shll see you ard suckaaaa! lol, so gyeah nth's been up lately and MTP SESSION was sooo lame. i thght thr gna b complaints abt me bt thr ws none. zero! omfag lah okaye. and to eeraa bestfriend, ilyt baby. to jaja and mary, dnt b too sad k. we still hv room left to grow.

ITS A MIRACLE, I BLOGGED. EERAA, I HOPE YRE HAPPY! haha.

2008-10-15T15:07:00.000+08:00

today, by far th 2nd happiest day of my life in o8'. i hv thrfre passed my EOYs and am leaning in towrds promotion to sec 4 Exp. i rly didnt expct anythg to b ths way. at th strt of th yr, i was as rebellious as hell. pissing teachers off, sme evn resigned. bt w th help of th teachers who wtched me grw up in sch and in cls, i achieved btter results and i rly appreciate everythg tht they hv gne thru w me and my bunch of monkey friends. i do not wnt/need any oth teacher bt th teachers tht i hv by me right nw. and i gv all my full sincerity and honesty tht i wldnt mke it w/o you guys. thers no oth form of respect you guys deserve. so here's to you.

first i owe my gratitue to is mr yee, th only teacher tht ever persisted and kept w our behavior, you wtched us grow, you taught us fr 3 yrs. you passed all th knwledge you had to us w/o selfishness. you sclded us fr our own gd and you pushed us till our last living organ. and i dnt regret any of th times tht i cried in frnt of you cher, i rly dnt. you believed in us and you pulled us thru. you tolarated our misbehaviour. you covered us and took full responsibility ovr th lab case. and we're rly sorry we did tht. nw tht yre leaving fr a btter opportunity tht may nvr cme again, thr's nth tht we as a clss cn do bt show you tht we support you jst as you hve supported us. its sad to part w a teacher who has taught me evrythg i need to knw to gt thru my adulthood. ive been slacking i knw, bt you nv gave up and you always had talks w us alone. it rly helped bcus thn i cn tll you evrythg and whts been bugging me. iv rly respected you nt only as a teacher bt as smeone of a higher law. thr cn b no oth teacher tht has kept ths patient w us. im sure if you cld, you wldve slapped us and given us a wake up cll. bt yr encouraging words tht made sense were mre thn enuf to wake me up and realise tht i hv a whole life ahead of me and i need not enjoy it nw. thr are times we play bt thr are times we need to study too. and you mr yee, hve taught me one of th most imprtnt and priceless thngs in life tht no textbk cn evr teach me; tht no mtter wht you aim to achieve, all you need is smeone who is willing to tke th road w you.

next is mr ong. yre th nex tcher tht has wtched me grow and learn new thngs and hv a different view of old thngs. you taught us science in my frst year in sec sch and tht was a vry importnt base root fr my growth and expansion of furthering my studies of science. althou you were w us fr a yr and thn we chnged and we gt you bck only ths yr as a form teach and as a very firm physics teacher, i appreciate all tht yve dne fr us and th clss especially. organising everythg fr us and gvng us th encouragement in a nt very encouraging way. smetimes, yr critics mke us realise and wnt to prove you wrng. we've always been naughty in clss talking and playing bt we've always respected yr firm ways w us. you were our role model and you were thr fr us evry second during camp. and being much of a teacher, you were our alrm clck in camp too and yve gone thru all tht trouble to organise tht pit fr us and made it such a success tht i hv learnt many thngs abt my friends tht i wldnt hv been able to learn in clss like fr eg, my female china friends do not cook th best satay and my chinese male friends are rly strng. haha, bt yve brought me mre thn tht in my yr w you as a form teacher. me and my mother hve a strnger bond and nw i hv a better life at hme thnks to you. althou you did cause sme of th tiffs we had bt i nvr regretted thse fights w my mom. it helped me learn as to wht my mom rly wnted frm me. yve been thr whn i ws a good girl, yve been thr whn i ws a rebel. you taught me th real meaning of pulling thru.

i knw i hvnt been th ladiest of all ladies in sch and i hvnt kept my shouting and screaming to myslf, bt yve had th best of me ms kaur, you rly did. you taught me tht no mtter hw hard i push, its th people whove stuck thru us tht shld b thanked fr. we hvnt been th best clss to you. neither to any oth teacher. whch resulted in mr lau bailing out on us fr being th worst clss and th most 'DAMN BLOODY FOOL'ed clss in his life. bt yve shwn yr patience and care by sticking thru us i knw i dnt turn up fr mot of th makeup lessons, or any of it fr tht matter. bt its th fact tht yve took th time to help me and gve me extra credit fr th tests i didnt tke and didnt mke up fr. you pushed us thru and you stl treated us nicely despite our misbehaviour. and we dnt loathe you ms kaur, we rly dnt. in fact cher, we love you. well at least i do. you knew tht we cld all do it and we all cld mke it bt its jst a mtter of hw badly we wnt it. you ma'am, hve taught me tht English is nt only a language and full of words bt it is a form of communication and althou many words hve similar meanings, thr are times whn thr is only one word to fit it in. and in yr case ms kaur, th only one word tht fits is thank-you. we cldnt hv dne it better w/o you (and yr funny shouting). oh, and ths dsnt mean we're gna behave nex yr. we're gna b a little less playful :D

And to every oth teacher tht has taught me, evn if you dnt knw my name or you cll me by a diff name whch isnt evn mine, i appreciate everythng tht you've passed on to me. thr isnt anthr sch i rther b in to gain all my knwledge, and excel. Thank You dear Teachers.

2008-10-14T21:18:00.000+08:00

it's high time i reminded you hw mch i cared. hw mch i loved. hw mch i wna b yr one and only forever. i guess its times like this whn it all comes down to you and me and hw mch i love you. i jst wnted you to knw tht im rdy to commit to you and im willing to gve anythg bt my friends up fr you. i wna make you happy. i wnt th smile on yr face to hv my name chopped on it. i love you b.

2008-10-14T13:18:00.000+08:00

i hate hvng choices. decisions. etc. etc. im rdy to strt anew. and i ald did.

bt i dnt wnt an old flme to kill me. this is gtting too serious too complicated.

its all heading tht way. and im saying no no no no fuckin' way man.

i'll hve to b honest eventually i gss, evn if i missed you.

im in a critical cndition. and i need you to save me.

bcs yre nth bt a friend to me nw, fred.

and im in love w smeone else.

where are my friends whn i need thm?

ouh, thts right. i frgt, i dnt hve friends tht arent too busy to ctch me whn i fall.

2008-10-13T21:02:00.000+08:00

so mny thngs hv hppened to me, and iv hd my fair shre of ups and dwns.

you were thr whn i ws dwn you thr whn i ws elated.

yve seen my good and my bad.

yve seen th best i cn do yve seen th worst thngs too.

bt nw, im vry hppy. im a hppy girl.

im so fuking hppy, so mch has hppened, im finally feeling sttled.

and gd and w smeone who actually feels right fr me.

i cnt wait till th nex time we mke ech oth cmplete.

thank god fr you.

i love you oh so;

and i dnt evr wna see you go.

And maybe I'm too young to keep good love from going wrong.

But tonight you're on my mind so you never know.

When I'm broken down and hungry for your love with no way to feed it.

Where are you tonight, child, you know how much I need it.

Too young to hold on and too old to just break free and run.

think I'll stay to love.

2008-10-13T20:52:00.000+08:00

omgstring, i hv so mny thngs to do, so mny thngs to get and im jst cnfused. im broke and everybody's borrowing my money. tday, two people ald borrowed. -.-i knew i shld hv went to gt my hair done like jst nw instead of tml. gss i'll jst hv to wait fr pay. so wht if wht i wnt badly is not needed. so wht, so wht. i hate wntng smtg so bad and it being so irrational. bt hey, so wht. oh, and i jst realised tht whn thngs strt to gt bttr, it thn gets worse. thn bttr. alng th way i learnt to deal w and realize tht i cnt alwys b smeone's frst love. i learn. tht i'll alwys b scnd in line. to smeone else no mttr wht. and like dude, whn i care too mch and i put everyone frst, like fuk you. tht dnt mean my feelings are put to any junk bin. all th ways in whch my heart tears my mind apart. in rtrn, my body tkes all th tangible abuse. ask me and i wont tll, i fuking prmise. i wnt smtg real. bt im nt willing to tke a chnce fr anyone else bt my bf, evr. nt anymre. nt afta all ths. nt afta so mny disappntmnts; ths is th end of caring abt evryone elses feelings.

2008-10-13T20:18:00.001+08:00

ergh, testing. new blog. i hv ths hobby eh? making new blogs whn im bored :D